Question: What's the best way deal with catastrophe?
Answer:
(a) Meet it head on, break it down into its component parts, prioritise and conquer each problem one at a time.
or
b) Freeze, hide, retreat, deny.
It will come as little surprise to anyone who has read blogs one and two that answer B, the pathetic, cowardly, disgusting answer B, still appears to be my default setting. Just writing that assessment fills me with shame. Such mind-numbing weakness. Pathetic.
I'll cut myself a little slack, however. The root cause of this apparent inability to 'snap out of it' is a massive, chemically charged injection of adrenalin which entered my system back in 2008 when the balloon went up on my life.
Docs tell me it will stay in my system for up to five years. Well, do you know what? It has had me dancing through hoops, hanging from chandeliers and acting the victim for fours years...and I am sick of it.
No more. Something has to give. This will go one way or another. No more compromise, no more acceptance, no more dealing with it. Either IT goes, or I do.
What does that actually mean? It goes or I do? I have just typed the phrase and I'll be as interested as anyone to hear the answer.
I know what it means, but I'm even reluctant to write it down such is its enormity. The word certainly deserves a worthy introduction, and few well-crafted phrases befitting its status and importance.
That said...it is a cowardly word, a cheat's word, a loser's word...so why give it a status that it deserves or demands?
Frankly, I don't have a clue where this is taking me or why.
That being the case, I'll post this under the headline: Ramblings of a Suicide Wannabe...or Don't Wannabe. Whatever it is, it reads like a crock of shite but I'll post it anyway. Apologies all round, hopefully better to come.
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